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Apollo 11

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Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk)

Apollo 11 (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

• Featured article candidates/Apollo 11/archive1

Apollo 11 was the first manned landing on the Moon. We're trying to get the article up to Featured in time for the 50th anniversary, which is in July next year. Article has been overhauled, and is already rated Good, so bringing it here for review. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:35, 27 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Minor comment The statement that "In 2015, the quarantine trailer, the flotation collar, and the righting spheres were moved" isn't supported by the source. From checking my photos, the Apollo 11 flotation collar and quarantine trailer were at the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center when I visited it in 2009. Nick-D (talk) 06:34, 30 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Corrected. Consider uploading some of the photos. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 08:34, 30 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I've just uploaded a couple of photos of the quarantine trailer - [1], [2], though the quality isn't great. Nick-D (talk) 22:47, 30 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by JennyOz

• Placeholder for now. I'm about 80% through notes on prose. Hopefully will finish in next day or two. JennyOz (talk) 15:41, 7 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Hawkeye, following are some comments, primarily on prose and very much from a lay person's reading. I also took notes on some refs and inconsistencies. Will add them separately soon.

lede

• launched by a Saturn V rocket from Kennedy Space Center - wasn't called Kennedy then (others at Anders below)

  N Yes it was. The facility was given its current name by President Lyndon B. Johnson under Executive Order 11129 on November 29, 1963. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 04:42, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Background

• Eisenhower's successor, John F. Kennedy. [13] - space before ref

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Since the Soviet Union had better booster rockets, he required a challenge that was beyond the capacity of the existing generation of rocketry, and therefore would mean the US and Soviet Union would be starting from a position of equality - Difficult to parse.

  Tweaked it. How about now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Something spectacular, even if it could not be justified on military, economic or scientific grounds. - not a sentence?

  I think it works. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Kennedy's speech via here does not have cap on earth ie "safely to the earth". If we are going to capitalise Earth, (which mos typo allows) we should also Moon.

  Y Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• required for Apollo were developed by Project Gemini - swap 'were' to 'had been' (so it doesn't sound concurrent)

  I think it works this way. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Apollo 7 tested the command module in Earth obit - orbit

  Y ribbet Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Apollo 9 tested the lunar module in Earth obit - orbit

  Y ribbet Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• they launched Luna 15, - replace 'they' with the Soviets?

  Y Okay

• Jodrell Bank Observatory was called Nuffield Radio Astronomy Laboratories during that time (see note Anders below)

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• and this was published in July 2009 - do we know where/how published, if not, is 'released' better word?

  Y Changed to "released" Hawkeye7 (discuss)

• July 2009 on the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11 - The Independent ref is dated 3 July so 'on' is incorrect, 'the month of'?

  Y Changed to for the 40th Anniversary. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Crew

• table has Armstrong, Collins, Aldrin but opening line "The crew assignment of Neil Armstrong as Commander, Jim Lovell as Command Module Pilot (CMP) and Buzz Aldrin .." It 'looks like' an error - suggest adding 'initial' or 'original' between 'the' and 'crew'

  Y Re-organised this paragraph. What I find fascinating is that five people had to die before Neil and Buzz got this mission. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Backup crew

• Anders... In early 1969, he accepted a job with the National Space Council effective August 1969 - was named National Aeronautics and Space Council (1958–1973), use pipe? (Anders' article uses proper name of the period. Others this page use the 'then' name eg Manned Spacecraft Center ie not Johnson Space Center, Sabine D crater not Collins.)

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• would retire as an astronaut on that date - no specific date is given so change to 'at that time'?

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• At that point Ken Mattingly... at which point Anders would be unavailable - swap second 'point' to 'time'

  Y Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Lovell, Haise, and Mattingly would ultimately be assigned as the prime crew of Apollo 13 - not really 'ultimately' because Mattingly was grounded and replaced by Jack Swigert

  Y Good point. Changed to "later assigned". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:30, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Support crew

• During Projects Mercury and Gemini, each mission had a prime and a backup crew. For Apollo, a third crew - was 'prime' an official term? If so, add Prime to Crew table

  Y Yes, it was oficial. Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• The Capsule communicator (CAPCOM) was an astronaut - clarify on ground at mission control center

  Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Bruce McCandless II,Jim Lovell, Bill Anders - space before Jim. Also, Anders not called Bill previous mentions.

  Fixed the space, not the Bill issue. Kees08 (Talk)

Flight directors

• Y Very well. Changed to "Wiliam" Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Director/s or director/s
  • Only capital if used as a title (e.g. Flight Director Kranz) Kees08 (Talk)
• Extravehicular activity (EVA) - is cap E correct?
  • Nope, lower case Kees08 (Talk)

Call signs

• director George M. Low - pipe?

  No need. Hawkeye7 (discuss)

• Julian Scheer wrote to Manned Spacecraft Center director George M. Low to suggest the Apollo 11 crew be less flippant - ref?

• @Kees08: Need you for this one. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• During early mission planning, the names Snowcone and Haystack were used - explain Snowcone for the Command Module and Haystack for the Lunar Module (per the pdf)
• put in the news release. - is that Technical information Summary pdf 'the' news release? Otherwise replace with 'in the Technical information Summary '.

  No, wrong document. It wants the Press Kit. I have a copy and will replace the reference. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

  It's in the rechnical summary as well, on p. 8

• a personification of the United States - does Collins' book specifically say the 'personification' otherwise just 'historical name'

  Y No, he doesn't so sure. Hawkeye7 (discuss)

• Eagle for the national bird of the United States, the bald eagle - per bald eagle article, is both the national bird and national animal of the United States of America

Insignia

• The Apollo 11 mission insignia - was the design used only for cloth patches (ie not as a logo on letterhead etc)? If so, call it 'mission patch insignia'?

  No, it was used as a logo. Collins calls it the "mission emblem", as does the press kit - went with that. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:16, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Momentos

• personal preference kit - explain what it is? i remembered from his article he also had a World Scout Badge. This kit is different to the 'bag of memorial items'?

  Yes. Added a bit about the PPK. The link takes you to Collins' PPK, which is in the NASM. The memorial bag was of official items. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:16, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Site selection

• result of two years of studies - apostrophe on years
• Site 1: 34° East, 2°40' North, in the Sea of Tranquility (hmm degrees minutes seconds?) The ref has Site One: 34° East, 2°40" North - so is the 40 minutes or seconds? (ditto all 5 site coordinates)

  Remember what happened in This is Spinal Tap? I don't think the ref is correct. @Kees08: Need you for this one. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• The site needed to be smoothness, with relatively few craters - either 'to have smoothness' or 'to be smooth'
•  Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Preparations

• Early Apollo Surface Experiments Package - wlink to Apollo Lunar Surface Experiments Package
• "crawler-transporter, bound for Launch Pad 39A" - add a copy ref 51 (Apollo 11 Mission Overview) for the rest of these dates

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• A countdown test commenced on June 27 - ref 51 says 26 June

  Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Fuelling was completed by three hours before launch - remove 'by'? (or US thing?)

  I know what you mean, but it's in the source. It means that it was completed sometime before then, not at that time. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:16, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

  Y My browser automatically corrects to Australian spellings. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• written in the Atoll programming language. - ATOLL

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Haise entered Columbia about three hours and ten minutes before launch time - same time as fuelling taking place, more likely when it finished?

  Not sure. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:16, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Finally, Aldrin entered, taking the center couch. The closeout crew sealed the hatch - when did Haise and tech leave?

  YAdded. Note that Aldrin is in the CMP's couch, a legacy of the crew shuffling. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Mission

Launch and flight to lunar orbit

• William C. Westmoreland - article doesn't use the C

  Y Removed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• 60 ambassadors - they'd be foreign?

  Probably, but the sources don't say. The US ambassador to Canada might have driven down. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Spiro T. Agnew - article doesn't use the T

  Y Removed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Richard M. Nixon - article doesn't use the M

  Y Alright. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Apollo 11 on July 16, 1969, at 13:32:00 UTC (9:32:00 EDT) - wlink EDTand maybe UTC again? (UTC is wlinked in first line of lede)
• the rocket stage flew on a trajectory past the Moon and into orbit around the Sun - comment - why?

  Good question. @Kees08: Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• major landing or extravehicular activity (EVA) challenges - abbreviated already

Lunar descent

• Eagle was travelling too fast - US spelling is one L?
  • That is right, thanks. Fixed. Kees08 (Talk)
• Or it could have been the - is this new sentence starting with 'Or' because not part of Kranz speculation?

  Yes. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• unexpected "1202" and "1201" program alarms - swap order

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• in real time should it become necessary to do so. - 'to do so' not needed?

  Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Landing

• ACA - explain?
• "Out of detent. Auto"- fullstop?
• 413 - explain?

  Y Added: "ACA was the Attitude Control Assembly, the LM's control stick. Output went to the LM Guidance Computer (LGC) to command the RCS jets to fire. "Out of Detent" meant that the stick was moved away from its centered position. It was spring-centered like the turn signal control in a car. LGC address 413 contains the variable that indicated that the LM had landed." Kees08 is probably saying, "well, duh". I think this was added to give the reader a feel for what it sounded like. In addition, one notes that the CDR, not the LMP pilots the LM. The LM could be piloted automatically or the CDR could take manual control. Every CDR did. But it was just pointing the stick at where you want to go; the computer did all the rest. So it was more like the joystick in a computer game. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• about 25 seconds of fuel left - apostrophe on seconds?

  I don't think so. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• with "Engine arm is off", before - fullstop after 'off'

  No, because we are continuing the sentence after the quote. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• and his communion kit was prepared by the pastor of the church, the Rev. Dean Woodruff - this can go? non notable church and reverend. Is in Aldrin's article.

  Keeping it in, but removed the sentence starting with "Aldrin described". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• had been awake since early morning - add how many hours

  Y Deleted this. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lunar surface operations

• but on the Moon the cabin contained a large number of other items as well - any examples?

  Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• At 02:39 UTC on Monday July 21, 1969, Armstrong opened the hatch... - this is a repeated detail of " The hatch was opened at 02:39:33..." a few lines up

  Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Remote Control Unit - caps intentional?

  Y Probably. De-capped. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• folded against Eagle's side and activate the TV camera - adding 'to' before activate would read better

  Y Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• incompatible with commercial TV - broadcast TV?

  Y Changed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• The inscription read: - reads? ie still does

  Micrometeorites and the solar wind may have taken their toll over 50 years, but is should still be quite readable, but the MOS says we write everything in the past tense. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• and "almost like a powder," - move comma outside

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• That's one small step for a man - this para aligns with Armstrong's FA?

  Yes, but it has a lot more discussion. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Twelve minutes after the sample was collected,[2] He removed the TV camera - uncap he

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• integrated thermal meteoroid garment - wlink to Thermal Micrometeoroid Garment?

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• but Frank Borman, who was at the White House as a NASA liaison - this is a better description of his role than where he is first mentioned just as an 'astronaut'

  Y Added earlier. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• During this period, Mission They deployed the EASEP - something gone wrong here

  Y Deleted some stray words. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• used for the Lunar Laser Ranging Experiment - lowercase e on experiment (is e at Moon rocks section and in own article)

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• core tubes - wlink to Core sample

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• geological hammer - Geologist's

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Armalcolite was named after Armstrong, Aldrin, and Collins. - using italics formatting per its article?

  Not sure what you mean here. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Control used a coded phrase... Mission Control - swap

   Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:06, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lunar ascent and return

• This was an inefficient tool - sounds like they were sent with a bad tool, maybe 'proved to be an inefficient tool'

  Y Changed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• items in his suit pocket sleeve - sleeve pocket?

  Y Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• one Hasselblad camera - after removing its film? emptied Hasselblad

  Y added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• resulting in it impacting in an "uncertain location" on the lunar surface... then "and would have impacted on the Moon" - repetitive

  Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• On July 23, the last night before splashdown - add 'on Earth'
  • Where else would it splashdown? I think it is fine as-is, unless you insist. Kees08 (Talk)

    EEng will put us on Wikipedia:Principle of Some Astonishment Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• through the blood, sweat, and tears of a number of a people - remove the 'a' before people (I can't access ref 61 but used this)
  • Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
• Greg later was thanked by Armstrong - move 'later'
  • Changed. Kees08 (Talk)

Splashdown and quarantine

• On July 12, with Apollo 11 still on the launch pad, Hornet departed Pearl Harbor to retrieve the crew. - 'to prepare' to retrieve
• Apollo recovery area - not yet defined? First sentence should mention where splashdown expected?
• Poor visibility was serious threat - a?
• locate the command module, the spacecraft - what is spacecraft referring to here?
• its priceless cargo of moon rocks - priceless warranted? sorta devalues the crew?
• Fleet Weather Center - pipe wlink to Joint Typhoon Warning Center?
• A different sequence of computer programs was used, one never before attempted - not clear? what is the 'sequence' ie program 3 swapped to five? to change the flight plan coordinates or software replacement?
• a new splashdown target was designated,[119] 215 nautical miles (398 km) northeast of the original - as above the 'original' has been defined?
• Before dawn on July 24 - local time not UTC
• the drogue parachutes were deployed. - last mention was the sea kings so insert Columbia's before drogue. What altitude was she?
• There is no mention of re-entry, force on them, prep inside, etc
• Columbia struck the water forcefully - confirm was in target area?
• flotation bags triggered by the astronauts - activated?
• and position rafts - did they attach things called 'position rafts' or is position a verb here ie should be positioned?
• no mention of what astronauts said to recovery people
• biological isolation garments - no wlink available? closest I could find was Hazmat suit
• Divers provided the astronauts with Biological Isolation Garments (BIGs) - this repeats prev sentence (and the suits were put through hatch before the astronauts got out)
• wiped with Betadine to remove - does it have to use brand name here? (even though yes ref at 12-8 says "Betadine, a water-soluble iodine solution"). Betadine is a redirect.
• The raft containing decontamination materials was then intentionally sunk - missing a bit before here ie astronauts first got into (winched?) helicopter
• lowered by the elevator into hangar bay - 'the' hangar bay?
• the five-ton Command Module - convert?
• dolly - just use 'trolley' seeing a dolly can also be a boat launcher
• ref at 12-9 talks of the command module being attached with a flexible tunnel to the MQF and the samples, films etc being moved in.
• and finally in the Lunar Receiving Laboratory ), - remove space before closing bracket
• On August 10, 1969,... - when were their families allowed to visit? between then and parades?
• bill of health - there is nothing here about reacclimatizing eg weight / gravity

Celebration

• Celebration - plural?
• joint session of Congress on Capitol Hill. - change Cap Hill wlink to United States Capitol?
• Samoa which was brought to the - taken
• brought to the moon by Apollo 11 - cap M on moon, taken? (maybe 'brought' is a US thing?)

Legacy

Spacecraft

• (NASM) in Washington, DC - D.C.?
• Armstrong's and Aldrin's space suits are displayed - first apostrophe correct?
• righting spheres - ?
• on display along with a test lunar module, - fullstop
• are presumed to lie at an unknown location - can't presume it's unknown - it's unknown.
• and impacting the Moon - is this what is presumed?
• located the F-1 engines - is a redirect. Insert 'used in the Saturn V rocket'?
• Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center - wlink
• from October 14, 2017 to March 18, 2018, etc - are these specific dates warranted? Maybe reduce to months not specific dates?

Moon rocks

• at the Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center - is a redirect
• wlink of Houston, Texas - should have been linked first at "Inside Mission Control Center in Houston, Texas"
• For safe keeping, there - safekeeping one word
• White Sands Test Facility in Las Cruces, New Mexico - near Las Cruces

40th anniversary events

• Life.com released a photo gallery - digital only on their website, not in print?
• In addition, it is in the process of restoring - update?
• set up an Adobe Flash website that rebroadcasts the transmissions - does it still?
• Re 40th anniversary too much info? - presumably 1st, 5th, 10th, 20th, 25th etc were also commemorated. Maybe a sentence. Will need a section for plans for 50th which must be underway by now?

Let me know any clarification needed of my comments. I saw a list somewhere of articles being considered for 50th, can you remind me where it is pls? Regards, JennyOz (talk) 02:05, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

WP:S2019 is the shortcut. The DYK page has the most articles. A co-run of Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Michael Collins, and Apollo 11 would be fantastic on the anniversary, but that is a conversation for another page. Kees08 (Talk) 02:35, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Note: hope I did not step on your toes Hawkeye, saw there were a lot of comments so started hitting some of the easy ones. Kees08 (Talk) 02:44, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]